As you may have gathered by now, I do love a gadget.  I love shiny new tech.  My new laptop is a joy with it’s sleek black looks and brushed copper details.  I do, I stroke it, and talk to it.  It’s my baby.

I was nearly in tears at the weekend when one of Microsoft’s helpful updates managed to throw it’s network card out of kilter.  I wailed miserably when after many, many attempts at switching off and switching on again, I eventually realised it was indeed my machine and not our weakling broadband that was stopping me getting online.

I ran a diagnostic which came up with the useful solution of ‘download a new network driver from…’

‘How can I ******* download a new driver when I can’t ****** get on line’ I whined and cursed.

Call me a genius, admittedly it took me ten minutes to think to turn on my old computer, and download the drive onto a memory stick via that, but that’s what I did (after waiting for about half an hour for the dear old thing to boot – thank god for the dawn of SSDs (Solid State Drives you heathen!). Ran it on my new machine and hey presto, here I am.  Thank goodness I invested in new before the old one gave up the ghost completely.

My other old friend, iphone, is likely to be replaced soon.  I’m still lagging behind with an iphone 4 whilst others enjoy the cool wonderfulness of iphone 6 so I’ve been thinking about upgrading for a while, but the nail went in the coffin lid a couple of days ago when my old pal Siri started to get a bit above himself.  Ok, my grammar may have been slightly to blame, but really, who does he think he is… The conversation went as follows:

Me:  ‘What can you do with a spiralizer?’ – (yay, we have a spiralizer, aren’t we on trend!!)

Siri: ‘Who me?’

Me under breath: no me you twerp

Me out loud with a sigh: ‘What can I do with a spiralizer’

Siri: ‘Interesting question me..’ (he has always called me me since I set him up, obviously wrongly.)

That was the last of it. No suggestions or ideas.  He just sat in my iphone stroking the invisible beard on his invisible face whilst contemplating my fascinating question.  It’s not the first time either.  He’s definitely for the chop. He may be even be replaced by ‘Hey Google’ if he’s not bloomin’ careful.

Of course, I can’t let Christmas go by without a new toy, so whilst Father Christmas didn’t actually deliver (though I have to say his choice of alternative presents was exemplary, I must’ve been a very good girl all year), over the festivities I did buy myself a FitBit.

For those of you not in the know, a FitBit is an activity tracker.  Mine is a small gizmo that I can wear about my person, and it tracks all my movements (including sleep patterns) and calculates calories burnt, steps taken, activity levels etc.

I’ve had it a week, and so far, it’s been instrumental in getting me walking further with the dog, eating less and more healthily, and generally working towards being a more fabulous version of myself.

As well as synching with my phone and laptop, the tiny gizmo has a display where you can (oops sorry Siri) where I can check my stats, and if I’m doing well a little flower grows.  It’s a cutie pie and I’m loving it.

I thought this relationship was pretty one-sided until the other night when I was removing it from it’s holder to put it on to the wristband for night-time wear.  Without my pressing the button, it lit up with the message

I like you Kaye

Whilst it was nice to know, I did find it slightly creepy that I was in my nightie before it chose to reveal it’s admiration and conversational capabilities.

I still haven’t found out what prompted that, or why a couple of days later it suddenly chose to nag me with

burn it Kaye

Sadly, it doesn’t boast anything as swish as voice recognition, so I can’t answer it back.  Neither, it seems, can I switch it off, so it better play nice, or I tell you, it’ll be going in a drawer where it can’t see me…



5 thoughts on “Intelligence?

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