Ephemeral – a moment of my life

Posted in response to the Daily Post weekly photo challenge. This weeks theme ‘Ephemeral’

Ephemeral – lasting a very short time.

It took me six years of hard slog study to achieve my Open University degree at the age of 58. To say I was chuffed to have passed would be the understatement of the century. I know, I know, most people manage to get theirs in their early twenties, but better late than never eh?

Anyhoo, you may be wondering why I’ve been rambling about that as something ‘ephemeral’, when clearly the process was quite the opposite. Well… just like any other graduates, OU students are presented with their qualifications at a big glittery award.  The ceremony I attended was at the famous Barbican Centre in London.  My husband and daughters had come along to watch and be proud, and I was beyond excited.  The event itself took a couple of hours, but prior to it, there was the thrill of getting my robe fitted (disappointingly the OU students don’t get to wear mortar boards though) and getting formal pictures taken. Then the nervous wait for my turn.

I’m sure most of you will know that these ceremonies are basically a long procession of students walking across the stage, shaking hands, taking their awards and walking off again. It’s like watching paint dry when it’s not one of your own.  However, when it’s your turn, or the turn of someone you love, it really is a top couple of minutes.

I remember it exactly.  The tip tap of my shoes on the polished wood, the clapping and cheering from the audience (they managed to keep it up for every single person), the brief exchange of words, and the exit, all of which I managed without falling over or generally making a fool of myself (and there were stairs, I hope you’re impressed!) It was indeed a very fleeting moment in the scheme of things, but one which meant so much and has made an indelible imprint on my mind.

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Yes, that’s me!!

Bores? I don’t think so!

Doing a bit of voluntary work sometimes brings the most surprising rewards.  I was assisting one of the ladies at the IT group where I teach a few weeks ago and happened to ask what her password was for something. ‘Hellebore****’ she said. Now, Hellebores happen to be amongst my favourite plants, and when we had the garden landscaped in 2013 I insisted on a bed planted only with them, so of course we got talking, and to my delight she told me that she was a Hellebore ‘breeder’ and had lots of unusual types in her garden.

This week, she invited me to go and see them and take a few ‘babies’.  Her garden is quite magical and bursting with Hellebores of all types and colours – spotty ones, double ones, ruffed ones, a quite gorgeous and rare bright yellow one… all currently in their full glory. She generously dug up seedlings and small plants and I came home with a car full!  They’ll take a couple of years to grow, but in the meantime I thought I’d share with you a few photos of those that I do have that are already in a profusion bloom!

How to catch a mouse….gently

Just lately we have had a bit of an invasion or tiny furry friends, which I wouldn’t mind too much, but they are inclined to eat my vegetables (these ones seem particularly partial to sweet potatoes) and electrical wires. They don’t seem to be tremendously toilet trained either…

I’m not one for killing creatures of any sort (nope, not even spiders) and fortunately neither was my dad.  It was him who taught me this humane method of catching mice-es.  I can remember him bringing one of the successful ‘traps’ up to my bedroom when I was quite young to show me the cutest tiny field mouse running around inside.

I believe (never say never) that I have caught all of the current army.. my record was four in one day… and now we seem to be tiny visitor free.  However, I would say that once caught you do need to take them as far away as possible to release them, otherwise they are liable to return to the warm haven of your home.  This was confirmed when one of our teeny friends damaged his tail and we were able to identify him from that twice more.  I think he was a bit gullible!!

Anyhoo…. for those who are as soft as I am, here is my pretty foolproof method for the gentle capture of a mouse:

You will need:

A heavyish bowl

A piece of board – I use an old chopping board

A penny or equivalent coin

Flour and water paste

Chocolate biscuits

Method:

Spread a thick flour and water paste on to the back of a piece of chocolate biscuitDSC_0784

Stick the biscuit fairly high up on the side of the bowl – enough so a mouse needs to reach up and tug to get at it!DSC_0783

Turn the bowl upside down on the piece of board and balance the edge underneath the piece of biscuit on the penny. This is a little tricky but you will win with a bit of patience!DSC_0787

The mouse will be able to get in to the bowl without knocking the penny over, but will disturb it as soon as he tries to get at the biscuit and hey presto…..IMG_1153You can then lift the board together with the mouse in the bowl and carry both outside where you can watch your unharmed furry friend scurry safely away!

To Gym or not to Gym

You may remember that for several months I followed the 5:2 diet. It worked for me.  Losing over a stone (over 6 kg) I felt better about myself, had more energy, clearer skin, smaller waist. It wasn’t only the diet of course, I was walking three or four miles at a time and swimming regularly. Without so many bulges to manoeuver, my yoga practice improved no end. I slept better, and apparently my snoring stopped (I still dispute this – I don’t snore, I just breath a bit heavily). I flounced about with more confidence. It was great.

Until we went on holiday.

Oh yes, the bikini came out.  I know bikini’s on a sixty odd year old woman is unseemly, but believe me, this sixty something rocked it. No bingo wings to worry about when wearing skimpy cotton summer frocks. Swanning about in sarongs. Eating.

Oh yeah, the eating. We were in India. I love Indian food. What can I say?

It wouldn’t have been so bad, if we hadn’t spent the time we weren’t eating lying about in the sun, relaxing, chillin’, exerting no energy whatsoever. At all.  Consequently the pounds piled on.

Of course, when we got home my tubbier tanned body wasn’t up to doing much exercise.  I found excuses.  I couldn’t do so much walking because I’ve been suffering with plantar faciitis (still am, but getting better with the help of steroid injections), I’d got fed up with the weekly battle for parking, and the grim facilities of the local leisure centre – not quite the same as the infinity pool in Kerala. Even yoga got to be a bit more of an effort.

Then it was the food fest of Christmas.

Things have been going downhill ever since. I’ve put the weight back on. Energy levels are low to non-existent.  I’m not sleeping so well. The baggy belly is back.

So…. I’m tentatively back on the 5:2, but I still can’t walk the long distances I could, and I still don’t care for swimming at the leisure centre. So I’ve been considering joining the local gym.

There are one or two problems with this option though.

  • It costs money – lots of money
  • Other people, fit people, will be there
  • It takes a biggish time commitment to be worth joining
  • You have to commit for a whole year, yes, a WHOLE YEAR, and pay up front

I used to belong to a gym, when the kids were at school. It didn’t have a pool, but I’d go and use the equipment a couple of times a week, doing less and less on the murderous machines that I didn’t like, and more and more on the things you can sit down on.  I actually quite enjoyed it, but at the time I didn’t need to lose weight, I was more focussed on toning up a bit (this was before my yoga days).

The gym I’m thinking of now, is swish, like, really swish. It has a beautiful pool, sauna, steam rooms, Jacuzzi, fitness suites, lots of classes…oh and a café so that you can have a nice hot chocolate with marshmallows after your workout. It is so very tempting…

But…

Whilst a big chunk of me wants to join, believing it is my key to becoming svelte and energetic again, there is a growing niggle that I shouldn’t need to join a gym to keep fit.  I should be able to run about in the fresh air, garden more, yoga more, dance more…eat less.  This little voice keeps telling me that I am very privileged to be able to afford to eat more than I need to keep me going each day. I should be thankful that I am healthy if chubby, rather than skinny and sickly, and that I can afford to even contemplate joining an exorbitantly overpriced gym full of narcissists.  It is whispering that I should be content with who I am, be less vain, embrace old age with it’s niggly aches and pains and penchant for daytime naps.  Enjoy the fact that a bit of padding fills out the wrinkles. After all, I’m not actually overweight for my build, by BMI standards, I am apparently at a healthy weight for my height and age.

So I am torn. I know I would feel better about myself if I was fitter, slimmer, but I’m not sure I can do it on my own, or even whether I should want to.

Oh, but how I would love to wallow in that fancy Jacuzzi a couple of times a week… oops, sorry, I mean swim, and run, and lift, and stretch, and…

ooh now I’ve thought about it, I need a hot chocolate and a lay down!

What is that stuff?

Every now and then my husband and I (ooh hark at me sounding like the Queen) take ourselves off for a ‘date lunch’.  We like food, and it is good to spend a bit of quality time together now and then, so we find ourselves somewhere nice to go and pig out (it may be a date lunch, but we don’t stand on ceremony… well, we’ve been together for over thirty years now so we should just about be used to each other’s sloppy eating habits).   Yesterday we ended up in a really cosy pub, the log fires being just what we needed after being out in the gale force winds and unseasonal blizzard that suddenly appeared from nowhere.

All the food was yummy, as was the real Ale that we washed it down with, but what stood out for me was the chips.

Now, I’m not usually a big fan of chips.  They can be a bit soggy, or in French fry form, a bit burnt and over crispy.  I don’t have them often, but when I do, I drown them in salt and vinegar to give them some flavour, or if I’m feeling fancy, a bit of mayo a la Francais way.  I’m not a big fan of tommy k (tomato ketchup to you), so never that big red blob on my plate thanks.  Yesterday’s chips didn’t need anything though, they came ready seasoned and really crispy on the outside and soft in the middle (like an Armadillo as we say in our house…don’t ask… there was an advert once I think), 10 out of 10 for the chips then!

Of course, we ended up discussing what constitutes a ‘proper’ chip.  Do french fries count??

Anyhoo, what with the chips/French fry debate an’ all, it got me thinking about foods that aren’t like what their supposed to be, and how sometimes they are really yummy despite being completely weird and unrecognisable.  Like these goodies:

  • Tinned strawberries – now I don’t know what they were in a past life, but they look and taste nothing like the real thing. They are pink, sploshy and sweet.  Sometimes, I confess, I think they might be better than a freshly picked one that makes your mouth purse like a cat’s bottom because it’s a bit hard and tart or worse still, completely tasteless.
  • Pot noodles – does anyone know what that stuff is made from? Oh, I know what it says on the label – dried veggies and meat, but really? Nevertheless, who doesn’t love a naughty pot noodle from time to time? They are slurpily scrummy.
  • Vesta Chow Mein – I guess this is along the same lines as a Pot Noodle, being some sort of dried stuff with noodley thingys. But this is more of a meal. It’s crispy noodles a delight of crunchy oiliness, and it’s soft noodles, covered with the other…well, stuff, is again, a slurpers heaven.  Love it!
  • Crab Sticks – They are very pink. They are sticks.  They are not made of crab. I could eat ten of them in one sitting.  What more do you need to know?
  • Spam – Another pink food! Jellified meat that comes in a tin.  Sounds delicious doesn’t it? Spam is apparently ‘pressed pork and ham’, it tastes neither like pork nor ham, it tastes like Spam. It is amazingly versatile, in our house we have spam hash, spam kebabs, grilled spam, spam fritters, spam sandwiches…  I am a Spam fan. Many are not.
  • McDonalds fruit pies – Peculiar sort of sugary pastry stuff containing killer goo that will take the skin off your mouth and tongue unless you leave it for at least two hours to cool down. I think they are related to pop tarts. Yep, still good!
  • Cadbury’s Crème Eggs – Yes, it’s the time of year when all our thoughts turn to how many of these little devils we can stuff in our gobs before Easter. Hooray!! Chocolate ‘eggs’ filled with errmm…what is that stuff…?

These are just a few examples, off the top of my head, of weird yet wonderful foodstuffs that are filled with e-numbers and calories to start you salivating. I’m quite sure there are many more (I bet I think of them as soon as I press the post button!). I’d love to hear your favourites!

Keeping memories

Mum 20sWe moved my mum into her new sheltered accommodation last week.  It is a lovely modern studio flat, where she has her own kitchen and bathroom and a key to her own front door.  It is so much nicer than her long, dark, narrow, crabby old flat which she had been living in for the last 40 odd years.

The trouble with living somewhere for so long, is that, without even realising it, you accumulate lots of ‘stuff’. Ornaments, and tacky souvenirs that family members have brought back from holidays; photographs in broken frames; pictures; lots of tapestries that mum had done herself years ago; CDs and cassettes;  very old records; programmes from long-seen shows; and many, many, years worth of birthday cards (‘I can’t throw them away, they’re too nice’).  Of course, moving into a smaller flat meant that she couldn’t take much with her, not even all her furniture, and it’s been down to my sister and I to encourage, co-erce, and downright nag her into leaving much of it behind. Sadly, what seems to us to be old tat, was to her much-loved possessions that were proof of a full and long-lived life.

When I look around my own home, I can see that a lot of the things that I hold dear would, quite likely, seem like ‘old tat’ to others. But every piece has a memory attached.  Who bought it, why and when.  When I dust I caress each piece like a long lost friend, and every plant is loved and nurtured like a child.

Sitting here, I can look up and see photos of my children, a vase bought for me by my husband for one of our anniversaries, a moving fish that my daughter made in woodwork class years and years ago, the remains of a hookah pipe bought on our honeymoon in Turkey nearly 30 years ago, a slate rabbit from a mine in Wales, and a small wooden Buddha bought on our first trip to India. Now they nestle alongside some brass candlesticks rescued from my mum’s old flat.

I didn’t rescue much, just the candlesticks (which I remember sitting on the mantelpiece back when I was growing up), a couple of ornamental plates that we bought for her on trips to Turkey and Greece, a small wooden elephant, and some finger cymbals that I found in a box and had no idea she had. Heaven only knows where she got them, or why – perhaps a relic of a belly dancing phase of her life that none of us knew about?  Hehee..I’d like to think so!

Nan and Lil

My nan, mums friend, Mary, and my aunt Lil enjoying the sea

The only other thing that I took was an enormous suitcase full of old photographs.  There are lots of odd weddings with bride and grooms that I barely recognise, many of them now long dead. There are pictures of my grandmother as a young woman sitting alongside her mum who I never knew, or paddling in the sea in 1951 with her sister and a friend, all of them clutching their skirts above their knees to stop them getting wet.  Of course, there are also lots of pictures of my mum.

She’s there as a child with a big doll, and another very formal shot where she’s posing in a Mum dancingballet position aged about nine.  She’s there looking cheeky with her boyish brothers, and again as a young woman in a smart dark skirt and white blouse, smiling brightly, and it makes me wonder what the occasion was, maybe she was starting a new job?

She is there as a bride, marrying my father, with evidently, and mercifully, no clue as to the bitterness he would eventually bring her.  There are pictures of her at office parties, and on holidays with people I don’t recognise. All these pictures together add up as a testament to her life as a beautiful and vibrant woman.

Now, at 92, she retains her beauty, but some of that vibrancy is lost.  Old age is a dreadful thing, and something we all face, its limitations are both bewildering and frustrating, and ill health and aching joints can make you irritable.  When we meet older people who are suffering these difficulties, it’s easy to forget that they have led these amazing full lives, had jobs, children, experiences, hobbies, interests, just like we are having now.

If like my mum, you have to give up the home that you have created over the years, albeit no longer suitable, or desirable, or that others may be less than impressed with, it is a wrench.  A big wrench. And whilst it’s lovely to see her settling into her clean and tidy new home, and enjoying the company, we mustn’t forget that.

Unfortunately, once we had taken what she needed we had to have the flat cleared. The house clearance chappy told us it would all just go to the dump – the furniture; cookware; washing machine; ornaments; records……and all the other bits and pieces – just disposed of without ceremony. ‘No-one wants this sort of stuff now, you can’t give it away’ he told us, and I’m sure he’s right.  Still seems criminal though.

After this experience, I’ve promised myself I’ll reassess my own home.  Clear out all the stuff that I’ve collected in cupboards and kept in the loft. I don’t want my children to have to face clearing it out and having to live with the guilt of throwing away all those memories, no matter how sentimental and tatty they think they are.

New Horizons

In response to this weeks photo challenge ‘New’.

DSC_0386

This is a photo of my beautiful mum that I took a couple of days ago, over the Christmas break. Ok, she’s not exactly ‘New’, in fact, (I’m sure she won’t mind me telling you), she’s in her 90’s.  However, she is off on a new adventure.

She’s lived in the same town all of her life, and been in the same flat for about 40 years. She’s been happy and comfortable there, but now she has come round to the idea that it might be nice to have a bit more support and company, and we’re in the process of helping her find some sheltered accommodation.  Somewhere that she can still be fairly independent, and have her own front door, but where she can have a little bit more help when she needs it.  Also, somewhere a bit closer to family – she will still be a couple of hundred miles away from me, but nearer my sister and her family, so for the first time in her life, it’ll be a move away from her home town.   She’s both excited and a bit nervous – as you should be with all new adventures in my opinion! It’s a big leap of faith and we’ve all got our fingers crossed that it’s a good one.

Of course, she’s only willing to go if they have broadband so she can still use her ipad!

I’m very proud of her for facing change so stoically. I hope I never get too old for new challenges either!

Ghostly goings on?

DSC_0398I’ve just finished watching a mini-series on the BBC called Remember Me, which was a good old-fashioned ghost story.  It was supposed to be spooky.  It had the lot.  A rocking chair rocking on its own, doors slamming, unexplained phenomena, not to mention weird music and bangs to make you jump. It didn’t scare me though, I don’t believe in ghosts.

Nonetheless, perhaps Christmas is a time when we think about them whether we believe in them or not. Well, we all know about Scrooge and his ghosts of Christmas past, present and future.  Certainly we think about loved ones that we’ve lost over the years.  We might hear the echo of their laughter over the turkey, or their voice singing Christmassy tunes.

Whilst nothing has yet has convinced me that spirits walk the earth rattling chains, with their head under their arms, or that they are vaguely wafting about waiting to give us a fright, I have had one or two odd experiences that other, more open minded sorts, might put down to ghostly goings on.

In particular two incidents stand out as being just so real both at the time, and even in retrospect, that I am left with the feeling that, though completely explainable, these things were out of the ordinary.

The first time was when I was in Florida.

My father-in-law was a wonderful man, kind and jovial. Sadly he died aged just 64 from Mesothelioma, an asbestos related lung cancer.  Before he died, and unbeknownst to us, he left instructions and enough money to make sure that we took our daughters to Disneyland and had a fabulous time.  At the time we were scrimping and scraping our way through life, so this gift was unimaginably generous, and we were all extremely excited.

We spent our first week enjoying the delights of Disney, and the second at St Pete’s beach, which was equally wonderful in its own way.  While we were there, I was woken in the middle of the night by the phone ringing.  The girls were asleep in the bed next to us, so I quickly jumped up and sat on the edge of the bed to answer it before it woke them too. I remember the conversation exactly:

‘Kaye?’

‘Yes, who’s that?’

‘Gordon’

‘But you’re dead’ (I know, I was a bit blunt..it was the middle of the night)

‘Don’t you worry about that. I just wanted to know if you’re enjoying yourself?’

‘Yes, yes, its fabulous and thank you so much, but…how are you ringing me, you’re dead’ (I know, rubbing it in)

‘Don’t worry about it, as long as you’re all having a good time. Are the girls ok’

‘Yes, they’re fine.  How are you ringing me??’

That was it.  I got no more, just the dialling tone. I put the phone back on the hook, lay back down and went back to sleep. When I woke up, momentarily, I believed it was real, but of course, it had been one of those really vivid dreams.  I had wanted so much to tell him just how grateful I was that, without realising, I’d wished myself into dreaming of that contact.

The second time was when I was in a car crash.  I was waiting to turn right into the road where we live.  It was Friday evening and I’d dropped the kids off at St John’s (they were members from the age of six until their teens), so I was, fortunately, on my own.  I was minding my own business, waiting for a gap in the stream of traffic heading towards me on the other side of the road, when there was an enormous thump.  A car, travelling at speed had hit me in the back and sent me careering across the road into the oncoming traffic.  I can vividly remember my confusion. I had no idea what had happened, just knew the car was moving without my having done anything.

Now it can only have been a split second, but as others will testify, time slows down, we go into slow-mo when something like that happens, and in that split second I quite clearly heard a voice. It sounded like my nan.  She shouted at me

‘Kaye you have to steer….and brake..NOW.’

It woke me up from the shock and I managed to safely bring the car to a halt.  As I say, a split second and I’m pretty sure it was my subconscious initialising a safety procedure.  The car was a write-off, but apart from a bit of whiplash and shock I was fine, and I’m sure it was just the shock that left me with that slightly odd feeling.

Of course many people believe our spirits live on and equally as many have a belief in reincarnation. Again, I’m afraid it sounds far-fetched to me. But I can concede that often children seem wiser than their years, or people have skills they appear to have been born with. They have vocations or yearnings that would appear to have come from nowhere and I’ll be open with you here.

For many years, I have longed to visit Japan.  I have a fascination for all things Japanese. Unusually for a Westerner, I can listen to, and get lost in, Koto music for as long as you like.  I dream of mountains, and gardens, and cherry blossom.  So much so, that in fact, I’ve often said that I must have been Japanese in a past life.  But it is said facetiously.  I don’t really believe it.

Or do I?

Let me know if you’ve had any weird experiences like this. I’d like to think it’s not just me!

There are no words

I am an inconsequential woman. I am retired and live a quiet life doing ordinary things. I am not religious, I am not overly into politics (though don’t get me started on Nigel Farage and his godawful UKIP party who people are actually voting for). I like happy things and cute animals. I don’t like to be abrasive, controversial or outspoken, I just really hope my blog spreads a bit of cheer.  So it’s taken me a full day to decide to post something about my feelings when I heard the news first thing yesterday morning.

My children are grown up now, but of course, I still remember sending them off to school, trying to make sure they looked vaguely clean and tidy in their uniforms, checking they’d got PE kit, dinner money, coat etc.  They didn’t always want to go, and honestly, sometimes I would have preferred to keep them home and spend the day playing silly games with them.  The thing is though, apart from the odd scraped knee, I knew they would come home safe and happy at the end of the day, and seeing them grow and understand the world was worth any sacrifice on my part.

I’m guessing school is a bit different in Pakistan.  I imagine children are more excited to learn new things than perhaps some children in England, who, not unreasonably, take schools for granted.  I imagine that the schools are not necessarily full of high-tech, state of the art equipment. I bet the children play the same games though, chasing each other, kicking balls about, doing that hand thing that girls do while they’re chanting rhymes.  I bet they laugh and make friends, make enemies, make friends again.  Shout, squeal, jump, skip… If there is one thing my travels have taught me is that kids are the same the world over.

We have had our tragedies at schools in the UK.

In Aberfan, Wales, in 1966, a colliery spoil tip collapsed engulfing a school and killing 116 children and 28 adults, in effect wiping out a whole generation from the same village in one afternoon.  The villagers at the time felt that the National Coal Board were at fault for piling waste onto unstable ground.  But nonetheless, it was a natural disaster. A devastating accident.

In Dunblane, Scotland 1996, sixteen children and a teacher were shot dead in their school by a lone gunman. He was a disgraced scout master. Mad. He’d lost the plot in the most devastating and despicable way and ended up killing himself. He was a coward too.

The men that murdered those children and their teachers in Pakistan yesterday knew what they were doing.  They do not have the ‘excuse’ of madness (though it is easy to think there is something mentally amiss).  This was an organised attack, carefully planned. They knew what they were doing. Seven of them armed with guns and wearing bomb vests.  They did this, killed 132 children and nine of their teachers, for their cause.

I am sure I echo millions the world over, when I say there are no words big and deep enough to describe the disgust, horror and anguish I feel. My heart bleeds for those children who survived, who have to live with that terrible memory for the rest of their lives. I weep with the parents who sent their kids off to school in the morning, expecting them to arrive home safe in the afternoon, and I grieve with the proud families of those wonderful people who were spending their days teaching others, and whose lives have now been snuffed out.

As I said, I am an uncomplicated sort, and there are many things in this world that I do not understand.  A cause where it is right to kill innocents, and that includes individuals that have no compassion or humanity, is one of those things.  Were these nameless men not sons, uncles, fathers?  I cannot believe that there is a religious document in this world that advocates and encourages such atrocities, and if there is, why would anyone ever follow such teachings?  I just don’t understand.

Neither do I understand how such things can happen without any obvious repercussion.  Every religious and political leader, across all faiths and factions, as well as every right minded individual across the world, should stand together, denounce this, and take whatever action is needed to ensure it’s like never happens again.

What’s yours?

I have to confess that this is a fairly recent addition to my long list of Christmas traditions and Christmassy favourite songs.  I hadn’t heard it until about three or four years ago, and since then I have made it my ‘official start to feeling Christmassy’ song, especially this version by the fabulous Mary Margaret.  Of course, I have absolutely no idea who Mary Margaret is, it’s just a video I found on you tube, but you’ve got to agree, the girl has talent!!

Anyway, just had to share it with you (the whole world should see it!!).  I’d love to hear what song brings the most Christmassy feeling to you.

p.s. this is closely followed in my list by ‘The Little Boy who Santa Claus Forgot’ but I didn’t want you getting all depressed 😉