I have a wii. I know I’m an oldie and probably shouldn’t be allowed.  But I do.  It’s mine.  I bought it for myself. I bought it a few years back with the wii-fit thinking that it would only take a couple of months before I would be sylph like and full of energy.  Like wot the advert said I would.

Now, its fair to say it took some time for me to master any of the basic activities, but the one that, to my dismay, still defeats me every bloomin’ time is the skateboarding.  Why can’t I do it?  It can’t be that hard.  Just put the board sideways, scoot with your foot, and lean backwards or forwards to steer.  Bob’s yer uncle. Easy peasy.

Nope.  Doesn’t work for me.  I cannot, cannot, steer the thing. My little mii crashes into the fences, goes the wrong way, misses the obstacles, whilst big me is floundering backwards and forwards and cursing.  Nil points. Nada.

Coz is a whiz at it.  Without any effort at all she’s on the thing, and her mii is waving its arms in joyful victory at the massive score she’s attained without a hiccup. So it’s obviously not quite as impossible as it feels to me it is.

I can ski.  Ski jump. Fly. Hula Hoop. March about and all the other stuff with varying degrees of success, but the skateboard is my nemesis.

I’ve never tried a real one, perhaps I should, you know, to get the hang of it a bit.  But frankly, given the virtual experience, I’d probably break my neck.

Actually, I’ve just thought of the other thing that I really, really, can’t do – Baseball.

Sport is not my thing in the real world.  I’m not competitive and am generally rubbish at all and every team game.  I can’t run, throw or catch. I wish I was better, but I’m not.  I’ve come to terms with it and am happy to leave it to others to do.  But how I wish I could hit that virtual ball.

I’m always ‘a little late’ or ‘a little too early’ (I can hear the derision in its words). I know I’m cackhanded in real life, but in the virtual world too?  That’s rubbing salt in the wound.

I wouldn’t mind, but after all this time of trying, I’m still not sylph like, not even virtually!