Pieing Solo

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Christmas eve eve and I’ve been baking mince pies.  It’s strange baking christmassy goodies on my own. Up until now my daughters have made the mince pies.  It’s been their thing for years. Initially, when they were small, they played with the pastry by my side, stuck their little fingers in the filling, and basically got flour everywhere. As they got older they started seriously helping out. Cutting the pastry circles and spooning the filling in carefully so as not to get burnt bits stuck on the outside of the tin.  They cut out holly leaves, and santa faces (sort of – they have never quite mastered them!) as decoration, and eventually were able to make them way better than me.

It’s been one of those little Christmas traditions. For the past few years as soon as they both arrived home for the holiday, however late in the day it was, and having not seen each other for months, they’d be out in the kitchen giggling together over the mince pie making, while I sat with my feet up for a bit. Of course, they still ended up covering themselves and the kitchen in flour.

So I was feeling a bit wistful this afternoon, all on my own having to make my own mince pies!

Families build their own traditions around Christmas almost without realising. I’m sure I have carried some from my childhood with me, and so has my husband, and blended together they have made our own Christmas’s special, albeit predictable: Watching Carols from Kings on Christmas Eve, opening presents in the morning while it’s still dark outside, Mince pies and Bucks Fizz for breakfast, Christmas music blaring out all morning, and of course crackers, turkey and trimmings, lighting brandy on the Christmas pud, a nap after lunch, Dr Who and Strictly on the TV, then board games until two in the morning or thereabouts.

This year, the girls won’t be home.  Both working.  So for the first time, as far as we can remember (we traipsed between parents before we had kids), my husband and I will spend Christmas day on our own. I am kinda looking forward to a slobby day, might even be a pj day, but goodness me will I miss my girls.  They are coming home the first weekend in January though, so don’t have to wait too long, and we’re having a proper Christmas then.  Turkey, presents, mince pies…

Wishing all my friends in this lovely blogsphere a wonderful and peaceful Christmas full of surprises and laughter. xx

Varanasi Ochre

Posted as part of the weekly photo challenge – this weeks theme ‘Yellow’

This photograph was taken during our trip to Northern India last year. It was about 4:30 in the morning on one of the ghats lining the banks of the Ganges.  We were waiting to board a little boat so that we could view the amazing sunrise from the river.  However, there was a very heavy mist which made everything soft and unfocused, it also had the effect of washing out all colour and making the small scene under the lights appear in this delicious yellow ochre glaze.

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Ghostly goings on?

DSC_0398I’ve just finished watching a mini-series on the BBC called Remember Me, which was a good old-fashioned ghost story.  It was supposed to be spooky.  It had the lot.  A rocking chair rocking on its own, doors slamming, unexplained phenomena, not to mention weird music and bangs to make you jump. It didn’t scare me though, I don’t believe in ghosts.

Nonetheless, perhaps Christmas is a time when we think about them whether we believe in them or not. Well, we all know about Scrooge and his ghosts of Christmas past, present and future.  Certainly we think about loved ones that we’ve lost over the years.  We might hear the echo of their laughter over the turkey, or their voice singing Christmassy tunes.

Whilst nothing has yet has convinced me that spirits walk the earth rattling chains, with their head under their arms, or that they are vaguely wafting about waiting to give us a fright, I have had one or two odd experiences that other, more open minded sorts, might put down to ghostly goings on.

In particular two incidents stand out as being just so real both at the time, and even in retrospect, that I am left with the feeling that, though completely explainable, these things were out of the ordinary.

The first time was when I was in Florida.

My father-in-law was a wonderful man, kind and jovial. Sadly he died aged just 64 from Mesothelioma, an asbestos related lung cancer.  Before he died, and unbeknownst to us, he left instructions and enough money to make sure that we took our daughters to Disneyland and had a fabulous time.  At the time we were scrimping and scraping our way through life, so this gift was unimaginably generous, and we were all extremely excited.

We spent our first week enjoying the delights of Disney, and the second at St Pete’s beach, which was equally wonderful in its own way.  While we were there, I was woken in the middle of the night by the phone ringing.  The girls were asleep in the bed next to us, so I quickly jumped up and sat on the edge of the bed to answer it before it woke them too. I remember the conversation exactly:

‘Kaye?’

‘Yes, who’s that?’

‘Gordon’

‘But you’re dead’ (I know, I was a bit blunt..it was the middle of the night)

‘Don’t you worry about that. I just wanted to know if you’re enjoying yourself?’

‘Yes, yes, its fabulous and thank you so much, but…how are you ringing me, you’re dead’ (I know, rubbing it in)

‘Don’t worry about it, as long as you’re all having a good time. Are the girls ok’

‘Yes, they’re fine.  How are you ringing me??’

That was it.  I got no more, just the dialling tone. I put the phone back on the hook, lay back down and went back to sleep. When I woke up, momentarily, I believed it was real, but of course, it had been one of those really vivid dreams.  I had wanted so much to tell him just how grateful I was that, without realising, I’d wished myself into dreaming of that contact.

The second time was when I was in a car crash.  I was waiting to turn right into the road where we live.  It was Friday evening and I’d dropped the kids off at St John’s (they were members from the age of six until their teens), so I was, fortunately, on my own.  I was minding my own business, waiting for a gap in the stream of traffic heading towards me on the other side of the road, when there was an enormous thump.  A car, travelling at speed had hit me in the back and sent me careering across the road into the oncoming traffic.  I can vividly remember my confusion. I had no idea what had happened, just knew the car was moving without my having done anything.

Now it can only have been a split second, but as others will testify, time slows down, we go into slow-mo when something like that happens, and in that split second I quite clearly heard a voice. It sounded like my nan.  She shouted at me

‘Kaye you have to steer….and brake..NOW.’

It woke me up from the shock and I managed to safely bring the car to a halt.  As I say, a split second and I’m pretty sure it was my subconscious initialising a safety procedure.  The car was a write-off, but apart from a bit of whiplash and shock I was fine, and I’m sure it was just the shock that left me with that slightly odd feeling.

Of course many people believe our spirits live on and equally as many have a belief in reincarnation. Again, I’m afraid it sounds far-fetched to me. But I can concede that often children seem wiser than their years, or people have skills they appear to have been born with. They have vocations or yearnings that would appear to have come from nowhere and I’ll be open with you here.

For many years, I have longed to visit Japan.  I have a fascination for all things Japanese. Unusually for a Westerner, I can listen to, and get lost in, Koto music for as long as you like.  I dream of mountains, and gardens, and cherry blossom.  So much so, that in fact, I’ve often said that I must have been Japanese in a past life.  But it is said facetiously.  I don’t really believe it.

Or do I?

Let me know if you’ve had any weird experiences like this. I’d like to think it’s not just me!

There are no words

I am an inconsequential woman. I am retired and live a quiet life doing ordinary things. I am not religious, I am not overly into politics (though don’t get me started on Nigel Farage and his godawful UKIP party who people are actually voting for). I like happy things and cute animals. I don’t like to be abrasive, controversial or outspoken, I just really hope my blog spreads a bit of cheer.  So it’s taken me a full day to decide to post something about my feelings when I heard the news first thing yesterday morning.

My children are grown up now, but of course, I still remember sending them off to school, trying to make sure they looked vaguely clean and tidy in their uniforms, checking they’d got PE kit, dinner money, coat etc.  They didn’t always want to go, and honestly, sometimes I would have preferred to keep them home and spend the day playing silly games with them.  The thing is though, apart from the odd scraped knee, I knew they would come home safe and happy at the end of the day, and seeing them grow and understand the world was worth any sacrifice on my part.

I’m guessing school is a bit different in Pakistan.  I imagine children are more excited to learn new things than perhaps some children in England, who, not unreasonably, take schools for granted.  I imagine that the schools are not necessarily full of high-tech, state of the art equipment. I bet the children play the same games though, chasing each other, kicking balls about, doing that hand thing that girls do while they’re chanting rhymes.  I bet they laugh and make friends, make enemies, make friends again.  Shout, squeal, jump, skip… If there is one thing my travels have taught me is that kids are the same the world over.

We have had our tragedies at schools in the UK.

In Aberfan, Wales, in 1966, a colliery spoil tip collapsed engulfing a school and killing 116 children and 28 adults, in effect wiping out a whole generation from the same village in one afternoon.  The villagers at the time felt that the National Coal Board were at fault for piling waste onto unstable ground.  But nonetheless, it was a natural disaster. A devastating accident.

In Dunblane, Scotland 1996, sixteen children and a teacher were shot dead in their school by a lone gunman. He was a disgraced scout master. Mad. He’d lost the plot in the most devastating and despicable way and ended up killing himself. He was a coward too.

The men that murdered those children and their teachers in Pakistan yesterday knew what they were doing.  They do not have the ‘excuse’ of madness (though it is easy to think there is something mentally amiss).  This was an organised attack, carefully planned. They knew what they were doing. Seven of them armed with guns and wearing bomb vests.  They did this, killed 132 children and nine of their teachers, for their cause.

I am sure I echo millions the world over, when I say there are no words big and deep enough to describe the disgust, horror and anguish I feel. My heart bleeds for those children who survived, who have to live with that terrible memory for the rest of their lives. I weep with the parents who sent their kids off to school in the morning, expecting them to arrive home safe in the afternoon, and I grieve with the proud families of those wonderful people who were spending their days teaching others, and whose lives have now been snuffed out.

As I said, I am an uncomplicated sort, and there are many things in this world that I do not understand.  A cause where it is right to kill innocents, and that includes individuals that have no compassion or humanity, is one of those things.  Were these nameless men not sons, uncles, fathers?  I cannot believe that there is a religious document in this world that advocates and encourages such atrocities, and if there is, why would anyone ever follow such teachings?  I just don’t understand.

Neither do I understand how such things can happen without any obvious repercussion.  Every religious and political leader, across all faiths and factions, as well as every right minded individual across the world, should stand together, denounce this, and take whatever action is needed to ensure it’s like never happens again.

Sun and sarongs

It’s so cold and drizzly here today that I’ve been dreaming of holidays past.

I have this first picture framed in my living room because it evokes the wonderful holiday we had in Tobago a few years back. The lady in the picture was a permanent resident of the beach where we stayed, and we got to know her a bit.  She said she had always wanted to come to England to experience a train ride, and see snow!  She obviously didn’t know of the horrors of travelling by British Rail, or how the whole country grinds to a halt when there is even the slightest hint of snow on the ground!

The second one was taken on deserted beach that was only reachable by boat.  We’d waded through the warm, still, and clear, azure sea to get to it, and just threw our sarongs over the branches to dry while we toasted ourselves on the sand and waited for our guides to cook freshly caught fish on a makeshift barbeque. It was completely idyllic, and just thinking about it warms me up!

Hope you are all keeping safe and warm.

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What’s yours?

I have to confess that this is a fairly recent addition to my long list of Christmas traditions and Christmassy favourite songs.  I hadn’t heard it until about three or four years ago, and since then I have made it my ‘official start to feeling Christmassy’ song, especially this version by the fabulous Mary Margaret.  Of course, I have absolutely no idea who Mary Margaret is, it’s just a video I found on you tube, but you’ve got to agree, the girl has talent!!

Anyway, just had to share it with you (the whole world should see it!!).  I’d love to hear what song brings the most Christmassy feeling to you.

p.s. this is closely followed in my list by ‘The Little Boy who Santa Claus Forgot’ but I didn’t want you getting all depressed 😉

Archy

The Photo 101 challenge had me ploughing through lots of old holiday snaps that I haven’t looked at for a long time, and it struck me that there are a few bits of architecture that keep re-appearing. Subconsiously, I’m clearly fond of an Arch.  They come in all shapes, sizes and materials, and they are all equally striking. This is just a small selection picked from my travels.  Which is your favourite?

The curse of on-line shopping

IMG_0232I am waiting for a parcel to be delivered.  Thoughtfully, the courier has sent a message to say it will be ‘delivered today between 7:00 and 20:00 – Just the thirteen hour window for me to spend waiting then. Thanks.

I didn’t get this message until about 7:30 this morning, so just got up at my normal time 6:50.  I didn’t rush to get showered and dressed. Then I saw the text.

I am now afraid that the doorbell will ring as soon as I:

  • step under the shower.
  • settle on the loo for my morning poo.
  • Give in to the dog’s pleading looks and go and play in the garden with her (she’s not getting her morning walk, that’s just asking for trouble)
  • I get on the phone to any of the people that I promised I would get around to ringing today
  • Try and do anything that requires more than a minute of concentration – it’s a wonder that I’m typing this.

I guess you’ve got the picture.  Much as I love on-line shopping an’ all, the waiting for parcels bit is a such a bore.  Why can’t they give you at least a morning or afternoon slot? Or better still, an hour or two time slot?

My daughter was telling me that in Cardiff Amazon have set up lockers in some shops where you can pick up your parcel whenever you like. This seems a step in the right direction.

But hey, we’re trying not to shop at Amazon – remember the tax stuff? Well, I’m not succeeding anyway, let’s face it they’re cheaper than anywhere else, AND they’ve given me a free trial of Prime, that’s free delivery over the Christmas period, can’t go wrong. I’ll stop using them after my three months honest (except for kindle stuff) (oh, and other things I can’t get cheaper anywhere else…) Oh god, I’m Kaye and I’m addicted to Amazon….

However, I’ve not heard of any scheme like that ‘round these parts, some of the villages around here haven’t even got broadband yet for goodness sake.

What happens in your part of the world?  I hope it’s easier.

Anyhoo, I think for today, I’ll sit and do quiet things, and treat it as time out from the world until the nice man turns up. Lovely.

But boy, do I need that poo…

Insanity

DSC_0282If ever I go completely insane
I’ll wring my hands and call your name
I’ll hide behind a wall of pain
and flit and flick and shout and scream
and flash dark eyes
toward the corner
where you hide.

If ever I go completely insane
You’ll not be able to say my name
without excruciating pain.
You’ll squirm and turn and howl and scream
And turn wet eyes
Toward the corner
While I laugh.